I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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