Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
