btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
