Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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