Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize