This is not my ceiling
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
