Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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