One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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