I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
