i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
