can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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