I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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