I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
