I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
