I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
third nipple confirmed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
