Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
