it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
