The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
