Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also, beer. Big fan.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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