i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
