But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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