It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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