so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize