oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
