There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
