The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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