They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
