I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize