It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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