I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
