just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
