I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize