We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
