yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
