I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize