what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
