I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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