i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
