Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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