Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
