Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
