Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
