she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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