I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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