i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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