The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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