he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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