you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
