I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
