her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
