we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
