Jerry, you need to find god
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
