dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
