You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
