You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
