you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize