Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
