john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
