I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize