That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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