he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
