In the future we'll all be gay
how can u be prego again
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
