Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
