I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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