He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
