Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Duck Duck Cougar?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
smell my finger.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
