explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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