So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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